So I don’t have a good history with bathroom floor mats. Last night I turn a white one pink in the clothes washer. I showed it to my wife and she laughed and said “Now we can change our color scheme to Pink!”
That’s just one of the many reasons why I love my wife. She is the nicest person I know. She genuinely cares for me and is a great person. This may sound like a small thing to you but let me tell you why it’s not a small thing to me.
Eighteen years ago during my first marriage, I melted the bottom of a bathmat in a clothes dryer. I showed it to my first wife, and she sucker punched me in the face. She broke my glasses, gave me a black eye, and a bloody nose. It wasn’t the only time she hit me. In our 5 years of marriage, She gave me 2 more bloody noses, scars on my left arm from her fingernails, and cut my face by hitting me with a metal floor mop. These are the major ones, I’m not counting having things thrown at me. I was an abused spouse. I hid it from everyone in the world, made excuses to cover it up, and I was embarrassed. My self-esteem was so low at that point I couldn’t even defend myself. I never hit her back. I just focused on escaping to a place of safety. When we got divorced I was going to file assault and battery charges, but the statute of limitations had run out. I wish I would’ve left her the very first time it happened. I even had proof of it, because it was caught on audio tape. I was recording guitar stuff on a recorder and jumped up to check the mat in the dryer and never turned off the recorder. She was standing right by it when she told me why she punched me. And I still have the recording to this day.
This is a difficult thing to talk about. This is the first time I have ever opened up about it.
The very person I exchanged vows with had become an evil, vile, abusive, monster of a spouse. Taking advantage of me and dehumanizing me.
But, it makes me that much more grateful for the amazing angel of a wife I am married to now.
And, if you are being hurt or abused by the very person you committed your life to. Know, it is not acceptable. Have zero tolerance for spousal abuse. Get out of the situation. You do not deserve it.
Here's some facts.
More than 830,000 men fall victim to domestic violence every year, which means every 37.8 seconds, somewhere in America a man is battered, according to the National Violence Against Women Survey. While more than 1.5 million women are also victims, everyone -- no matter their sex --deserves help.
There are more than 4,000 domestic violence programs in the U.S., but very few actually offer the same services to men as they do women. So where can a man turn for support when he is being abused?
Domestic violence against men can come in the form of physical abuse, emotional, verbal, or financial.
That is a distinguishing factor between battered women and battered men, is that men are more likely to be embarrassed by their abuse, making them less likely to report it, according to the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men web site, which states men often worry, "What will people think if they knew I let a woman beat up on me?" and "I don't want to be laughed at; no one would believe me."
And perhaps the most important difference is that women who batter may have a greater ability to use the "system" to their advantage.
Systemic abuse can occur when a woman who is abusing her husband or boyfriend threatens that he will never see his children again if he leaves or reports the abuse, and this greatly limits his ability to leave. While this can occur when a woman is being abused, it is more likely to happen when a woman is abusing.
Experts say that women may also be able to use the system to their advantage in that they are less likely to be arrested if police are called as a result of a domestic dispute.
The first step to getting help is reaching out.
The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men is the only one in the nation that offers support and help in finding resources specifically for men. The Domestic Abuse Helpline can be reached from anywhere in the US and Canada, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, by calling 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754).
I Encourage anyone whose relationship scares them to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) at (800) 799-SAFE (7233) or the TTY line for the deaf: (800) 787-3224. The Hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, year round with live advocates who can answer questions, discuss safety options, and connect callers to resources in their local area. Every call to NDVH is anonymous."
Abuse is about power and control, and regardless of whether the victim is a man or a woman, it is never OK.